Tuesday, August 30, 2011

I am Salman Khan - My version of the "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom"


The sight of my 3 year-old son sing and dance to the tunes of the "Debanng" song hit me like an epiphany. It was as if the actor in him is tearing his shirt and dying to come out. And the deal got sealed when I started noticing his eye rolls, spreading of his hands (a la SRK style), and the projection of his voice. (Have you seen him scream?! How handy could that be when he's looking out for his heroine in the woods!).

From that day on, I set on a mission. He will be the next Salman Khan.



Like a typical Indian mom, food is the first thing that was put into consideration. His daily diet plan which now includes (carbs, proteins, calcium, vitamin A to Z, and the right kinds of muscle-building fats) went into strict enforcement. The Bournvita jar got thrown in the bin, my munna (Note to myself: I better start calling him "muns"; Munna could just land him into "Bhojpuri" movies.) deserves Pediasure. (C'mon, the premium price must not be for nothing. Maybe they put better quality DHA in it.). Also contemplating whether I should go organic for him. After all, more the investment, better the ROI.

I'm also looking for a baby cream that will retain his fair complexion. Gone are the days of tall, dark and handsome. All the macho actors are gaining confidence through their fairness creams these days. And outdoor playtime will have to be squeezed to fit in power yoga (coz Kareena and Saif swear by it). Oh, so many things to worry about. But glad that posing for the camera will not be one of them. Thanks to those digital cameras, he's so used to extended photo sessions that he can pose in his sleep now. Well, but the best thing is that part of the weekend will now have to be spared for frequenting the designer label malls. We'll need that regular dosage of latest fashion and style into our lives.

And rest is all contacts. But not to worry, I'm already on the lookout for those filmi-types circles I can hangout with. If push comes to shove, we'll need move to Mumbai..eesh Bombay.
(And If all else fails, there will be some reality show where he can beg, borrow or bribe his way into. And even if he's not good at dancing, singing or whatever it is that he's supposed to do, I'll make sure he cries beautifully and looks good while doing so. I'm pretty sure that one of the movie celebrity judges will open her arms for him. Shh..but that's a trade secret!)

But lately I've started noticing that my husband is unduly disciplined about playing cricket with him every night. Could it be that my husband is harboring a secret dream of making him a cricketer?!
Oh Lord, that could be THE CONFLICT of interest, I worry. After a lot of turmoiled thinking, I reconcile. Luckily for me, I do know a few cricketers who came to their senses and entered Bollywood eventually. Plus dont all cricketers end up acting anyway (for their advertising contracts)?! And btw, we'll also need to keep that MBA from IIM-Ahmedabad as a 2nd backup career option for him. (His grandparents would be heart-broken otherwise.) Well, he can study for his CAT between the shoots/practice sessions if it comes to that.

So I'm scouting for his school admissions these days. Its frustrating that you have so many options,  but none for parents like me i.e. a school that would focus on overall personality development, along with equal emphasis on academics, sports, performing arts, social skills, and of course where he can make the right contacts for future. The only respite may be the after-school trainings and classes that he'll be attending, as soon as he turns 4. Didn't I see just a picture of Sachin Tendulkar with a cricket bat at the age of 3? He may already be late.

But I don't understand why he keeps obsessing about airplanes and animals. What has that got to do with acting or cricket?

And for a fleeting second, a thought crosses my mind. 'Am I living my dream through my son's life?' 

'Well, maybe!..' I say to myself, 'but that's what star moms do, right?!"